Myelin Leadership’s RENEW process encourages people to get in touch with their unique stories as an essential means of taking control of their brains. However, it is most difficult for the majority of us to dig deep and remember and reveal stories from our childhood and adolescent years. This works against the true nature of the brain which is to avoid threats and pain at all costs. Unfortunately, there is some degree of pain associated with getting in touch with your genuine stories. From a mental and physical health perspective – it is of vital importance that you overcome fears associated with revealing your true self – suppressing your stories drains lots of energy from your brain. The state of the art of effective coaching and leadership is to become comfortable with being vulnerable. People want to follow authentic leaders who tell their real stories and reveal their humanity.

Leonard Kim and Ryan Foland have written an excellent book, Ditch the Act. The main premise of the book is that your ultimate success and contentment in life is dependent upon revealing the real you. Kim and Foland have become digital gurus and have built successful online businesses. Their success, according to them, is based on throwing away the masks that resulted in presenting themselves to the world in a false way; and telling their unique stories. Both of them had very challenging childhood and adolescent years that resulted in much pain being subconsciously embedded in their brains. They only started to thrive when they became comfortable with their stories and they quickly found out that people gravitated towards them only when they ditched the act and felt content being vulnerable. The authors cite Brené Brown’s research that concluded that “the reason we relate to others is because we are emotional beings who thrive on human connection, and the reason we connect to flawed people is because vulnerability is the cradle of emotions we crave – the birthplace of love, belonging and joy”. Brown’s research suggests that “people you want to interact with are looking for someone they feel like they know and understand”.

One chapter in Ditch the Act is dedicated to helping readers get comfortable with revealing their true stories. To ease people into the process of being comfortable with being vulnerable, this chapter refers to four different “exposure levels”. Level one refers to relatively easy things you can reveal to others . At the other end, Level four represents more sensitive things that would make you more uncomfortable revealing to others. Kim and Foland suggest that, in getting comfortable revealing your true selves, you start with Level one and progress to Level four. The four levels are:

  1. Level 1 – Includes “things you are thinking or things that happen to you that you might not think to share – minor things that happen on a daily basis and often never shared with peers”. Examples cited are “spilling a beverage on yourself, misplacing your keys, making a spelling typo in a social post or important email, forgetting to water your plants and having them die, washing your car after six months, missing a workout”.
  2. Level 2 – Includes “interactions you have with others and things you notice about how you feel”. Examples are “having too many things on your plate, getting too many emails, missing a deadline, having difficulty keeping in touch with your friends, not having friends, being broke”, etc.
  3. Level 3 – Includes more serious things like “having a problem at work, losing a friendship, getting in a fight with another person, having to discipline your children, being yelled at by your boss, having unsupportive friends or family members, feeling guilt, revealing your sexual preferences and various financial challenges”.
  4. Level 4 – Includes things “you are extremely scared to share such as “business failures, personal setbacks (being divorced, infidelity, being a single parent, losing a family member), abuse (being abused or sexually assaulted, being taken advantage of as a child) and financial challenges (being so broke you are considering filing bankruptcy, filing bankruptcy, struggling with poverty).

The authors also refer to Level five challenges that are things “you should never share or when sharing goes too far”. Examples include ego (talking about how successful you are, the kind of fancy car you drive), politics (giving your views on politics, candidates, policies, international trade), religion (promoting your religion to others, joining cults), sex and politics prohibited by your employer (revealing trade secrets, disclosures, private data, etc.).

Read Ditch the Act to understand that revealing your true self is the absolute key to success and happiness in various aspects of your life. Kim and Foland provide an important framework to help you become comfortable with being vulnerable with others.