Morra Aarons-Mele has written the bible on anxiety – helping the reader better define, understand and deal with it. The book, The Anxious Achiever – Turning your Biggest Fears Into Your Leadership Superpower, is a book intended to help you normalize anxiety and, for the leader, to harness it into something that is not intimidating and can be used to lead yourself and others.

One of the key chapters in the book focuses on bad habits that negatively impact leaders and their leadership capabilities. “Most anxious leaders rely on unhealthy reactions that may be soothing in the short term but ultimately become habits that make them more stressed, deplete their energy and undermine their leadership. The problem is, once the temporary relief wears off, whatever was making them anxious was still there – and often it’s grown worse while they were avoiding it.”

Mele writes about habits we develop that result in “behaviors we adopt to give our anxiety something to do. (i.e., “drinking a martini instead of feeling anxious about that looming deadline”). Habits are extremely efficient as they “allow the brain to operate on autopilot, relieving us of the burden of thinking through routine tasks step-by-step”.  However, many habits are unhealthy under stress as “we are more likely to revert to heavily ingrained patterns or coping behaviors.” Habits often don’t serve as well, particularly in the workplace. Many unhealthy reactions to workplace stress “become habits that threaten our leadership and exacerbate anxiety over time.” Mele presents eight of the most common negative reactions to workplace anxiety.

Micromanaging – ‘The need to control things – arising from anxiety.”

Procrastinating – Mele quotes psychologist Seth Gillihan who says, “Two forms of self-talk tend to drive procrastination: (1) “This is going to be a pain” and (2) “I might not do a good job.”” The problem with procrastination is that, “while it’s rewarding in the (very) short term, it always results in greater anxiety.”

Avoidance – “Avoidance behaviors are any actions we engage in to escape from stressful situations or difficult thoughts and feelings. Avoidance is a maladaptive coping mechanism.”

Making impulsive decisions – The definition of an impulsive act “is one that’s carried out immediately, with no forethought or little or no regard for the consequences.” Impulsive decisions are “triggered by anxiety and can result in negative consequences.”

Spending money you don’t have – Attitudes about money originate in childhood. Spending money you don’t have is a bad habit and “one’s constant worry about going broke stems more from old wounds than from one’s current financial situation.”

Substance use – Addiction psychiatrist Zev Schuman-Olivier states, “Nothing is more reliable, at least in the short term, for helping you feel good than substances.” He also says that, “One way to understand addiction is as a desperate search for control when things feel uncontrollable.”

Disruptive communication – “This is a catchall category, encompassing rude and unprofessional behavior at work such as interrupting, hijacking a meeting, gossiping and oversharing…The culprit behind much of this office bad behavior is an anxiety trigger.

Overwork – “Many successful leaders react to stress by working harder, holding themselves and others to an impossibly high standard, or trying to control things that are out of their control…Anxious achievers tend to put their feelings of anxiety into overworking and there may be no more socially acceptable form of avoiding your emotions.”

In order to overcome these anxiety-induced bad behaviors, Mele offers many tips:

  • Triggers -Understand what person or event triggered the anxiety and bad habit. “Think of anxiety as a habit that can be replaced.”
  • Curiosity – “Be curious about anxiety and the bad habit. Neuroscientist Dr. Jud Brewer says, “Curiosity can help in a number of ways and it can even help us start to see when we’re in a rut of perfectionism, for example, or worrying.”
  • Behavior – Dr. Brewer recommends to stop and “ask yourself what you’re getting from the (anxiety-based) behavior.”
  • Reward – Dr. Brewer states, “Really, the only way to change a habit is through seeing very, very clearly how rewarding it is or isn’t.”
  • Mindfulness – being mindful can “help us pause before we react to a bad habit or a safety behavior” and can “soothe an acute experience of anxiety by calming the fight, flight or freeze response.”

The book offers many more tips to deal with anxiety and bad habits. Mele writes, “If we want to get better, it requires us to face our anxiety triggers as well as our unproductive coping mechanisms, and to learn to release the bad habits we lean on and replace them with healthy responses. This can feel very vulnerable, even threatening” but “relinquishing your bad habits opens up room for healthy habits that will propel you forward and move you toward your values and goals, rather than staying stuck where you are.”